I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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