Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
