I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
