I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
