the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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