Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
