no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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