My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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