i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
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