Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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