First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
