I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
and she was petting her beer can
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
