Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
