girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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