You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
