Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Randomize
