you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
my shit smells like andre
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
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