all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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