i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
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