Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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