allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Just invented taco cereal.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
