ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Randomize
