haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
