Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I'm way too hungover for life right now
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
