i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
