party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
