Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
