'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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