do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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