Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
