i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
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