one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
