I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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