So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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