I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
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they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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