Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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