1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
