I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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