Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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