Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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