She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
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Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
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just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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