Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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