Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
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