worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize