If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Send us your Text From Last Night!
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
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