Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
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