there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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