i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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