i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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