don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
