I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
