P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
