Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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