Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
