My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
i used baking grease as lip gloss
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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