I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
