just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Randomize
