i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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