She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I love having hate sex.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
