so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
