Pappa wants mamma naked
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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