So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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