My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
