Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
