I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Randomize
