Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
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