Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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