every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
