I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Dignity is for republicans.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
