it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize
