It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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