she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
