we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
