I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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