So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
