he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
