If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
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