I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
