Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
