Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
