i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
