At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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