I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
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on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
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I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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