I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
